IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You live in a small university town. Last week ,you drove to a big city about two hours away to buy a new laptop at a good price . You worked on the laptop all week and finished writing a long assignment that is due shortly. However, this week , the laptop does not ever switch on. Write to the story. In your letter ●Tell the story where you live what happend ●explain the problem with the laptop ●state what action you would like the store to take

#university #town #week #city #two #hours #laptop #price #assignment #switch #story #●tell #happend #●explain #●state #action #store
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Dear sir or madam I am writing to express my disappointment with a
laptop
 I
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchased
show examples
 from your store in Qarshi
25th
Change preposition
on 25th
show examples
Change the capitalization
December
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december
Change the capitalization
December
show examples
I live in Muborak a small university town and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 made a trip to Qarshi
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
laptop
 I heard that there was a great
discout
Correct your spelling
discount
 and my friends
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 me advice that your shop is the best shop in Qarshi The first thing I would like to draw your attention to
laptop
 is not working very well When I bought my
laptop
 from you.It can only
worked
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 for one week. I can use
this
 only for one week. Now it
is not even switch
Change the verb form
is not even switched
show examples
 on
then
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
try
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
 to switch on it
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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ten times
however
 it
is still does
Change the verb form
still does
show examples
 not switch on I would be
Correct your spelling
grateful
greatful
Correct your spelling
grateful
 if you could give me a full
refound
Correct your spelling
refund
show examples
 or replace
this
laptop
 with another one I look forward to your replay and resolution to my problem                    Yours faithfully Kamolov Raxmon
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Ensure all dates are complete for clarity (e.g., '25th December' should be '25th December 2022').
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive sentences (e.g., 'I can use this only for one week' repeats the same idea as the previous sentence).
coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraphs contain single ideas (e.g., one paragraph could be solely about what happened and another solely about the problem with the laptop).
suitable writing tone
Use formal language and check for grammatical errors (e.g., 'amount' instead of 'quantity' and 'reply' instead of 'replay').
task achievement
You included necessary information about the purchase and subsequent problem, fulfilling the task requirement.
greeting and closing
Polite closing is appropriate for a formal letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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