IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You live in a small university town.Last week you drove to a big city about two hours away to buy a new laptop at a good price.You worked on the laptop all week and finished writing a long assignment that is due shortly. However,this week it doesn't even switch on.Write to the store.In your letter : • Tell the store where you live & what happened • Explain the problem with your laptop • State what action you would like the store to take.

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I have been studying in
this
Linking Words
 town for one year,and I was in need of a
laptop
Use synonyms
 for my studies,so I drove to a bigger city to purchase one,I went to a store that sells the best technological devices,and it was recommended by my friend.I chose the finest
laptop
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,and the brand of
laptop
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 was well-known.After
an
Correct article usage
the
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 purchase of
Use synonyms
laptop
Add an article
a laptop
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,I used it for my studies.At first
laptop
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 was working quite
good
Change the word
well
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,
however
Linking Words
 after that somehow
laptop
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 stopped working,and it didn't even
switched
Change the verb form
switch
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 on.
Firstly
Linking Words
 I thought the
laptop
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 had
ran
Change the verb form
run
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 out of battery,so I charged it,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 it didn't
worked
Change the verb form
work
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 so I suggest that you replace the item or I would be grateful if my money was refunded because I need another
laptop
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 to continue my studies. Yours faithfully Mushtariy

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coherence cohesion
Include paragraph breaks to separate different ideas for better readability. For example, separate the introduction, the problem faced, and the action requested into three different paragraphs.
task achievement
Clarify the timeline of events to make the sequence of actions clearer. For example, mentioning when you bought the laptop and when it stopped working would help.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is polite and formal, which is appropriate for this context.
complete response
You have included all the necessary information: where you live, the problem with the laptop, and the action you would like the store to take.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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