IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

You're going to visit New Zealand for "English and Homestay" program. You're just received details of your homestay host family Introduce yourself Ask the family some questions to get information that is important to you Tell the family about your arrival time and date

#re #visit #zealand #english #homestay #program #host #questions #information #time #date
Dear
sir
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Sir
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 or
madam
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Madam
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, I am writing to request
about to
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apply
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some
informations
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information
pieces of information
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that
is
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are
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 significant for me and
ensure
Verb problem
to provide
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 you with details of my arrival date and time. As you know I am going to visit
new
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New
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 Zealand for the program. But none of my relatives
live
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lives
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inthere
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in here
. And
then
 I strived to rent an
apartment
 for a couple of days.
As well as
 I
looked
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also looked
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 for the list
apartments
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of apartments
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 sake of
obtain
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obtaining
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 an
apartment
 in a nice condition. I
got
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have
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 numerous
number of
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apply
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variants. But
then
 I came to
a
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the
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 decision that your house is the best variant. But before I
will
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apply
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visit your house I would like to clarify some questions which
is
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are
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 important
for
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to
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 me.
Initially
 I wanna get the
apartment
's
adress
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address
to
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so
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 don't lose when I will be there.
Secondly
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Secondly,
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 what's the average cost of living in
you
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your
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 area? I wanna ensure that I am financially prepared during my stay.
Lastly
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Lastly,
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 I crave to acquire the
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 about your culture sake of
communicate
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communicating
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 better with people. By the
way
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way,
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 I wanna say that at the present
time
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time,
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 it is not clear when I will be in the
apartment
. It depends on the starting time of the program. Despite of
that
Add a comma
that,
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 I will strive to inform you as soon as possible. Thank you in advance for sharing your house with me.
Correct the word
Yours
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Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
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 faithfully, Shaymurodov Abdulaziz
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction does set the context, but it could be more engaging by briefly sharing something about yourself, such as your interests or reasons for choosing this program.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Currently, the essay jumps between different points, making it challenging to follow.
supported main points
You should focus on improving sentence structure and grammar. For instance, instead of 'I wanna get the apartment's address to don’t lose when I will be there,' you could say, 'I would like to have the apartment's address to avoid any confusion when I arrive.'
complete response
You've covered most of the important questions, such as accommodation details, cost, and local culture, which shows a strong engagement with the task.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and restates your intention to keep the host informed about your arrival time.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have made a genuine effort to be clear about what you need to know and why it is important to you, which hits the criteria for task response quite well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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