IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You and your family have just come back from a holiday staying in a rented apartment overlooking the sea. The apartment was very unsatisfactory. Write a letter of complaint to the manager of the agency from which you rented the apartment. In your letter, —give details of the things that were unsatisfactory —explain the reactions of the members of your family —ask the manager what he/she is going to do about the situation

#holiday #apartment #sea #complaint #manager #agency #—give #—explain #reactions #members #—ask #situation
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Dear Sir or Madam, I'm writing to complain about
I took
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 an
apartment
Use synonyms
 for staying a holiday with my family from near the sea. I used to rent your
apartment
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for spending
Change preposition
to spend
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 time on vacation.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 time
accommodation
Correct article usage
the accommodation
show examples
 which you
recommend
Wrong verb form
recommended
show examples
me
Change preposition
to me
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 was very unsatisfactory. The first problem
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 that the
apartment
Use synonyms
 had not been cleaned. Everything was very messy and we
pured
Correct your spelling
poured
 everywhere and wiped dust.
Then
Linking Words
 I felt exhausted myself
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that I was going to relax a bit. But the air condition broke down, that's why I could not have a rest well You
explained
Add the preposition
explained to
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 me that the
apartment
Use synonyms
 had all of
facilities
Add an article
the facilities
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 for staying and relaxing.
Hence
Linking Words
, I recommend my family
this
Linking Words
 accommodation for
holiday
Correct article usage
the holiday
show examples
. But
then
Linking Words
 I felt very embarrassed in front of them.
This
Linking Words
 event really affected their mood and they punished me.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, my
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 trust was lost
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and they don't believe me anymore. My parents don't want to stay here anymore. I'm going to ask you
explain
Fix the infinitive
to explain
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation to them. And I demand you replace to
apartment
Use synonyms
 us which is more comfortable and has all
opportunities
Correct article usage
the opportunities
show examples
. I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. Yours faithfully, Lucy.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down the long paragraph into smaller ones to improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are corrected to improve clarity and communication.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and professionalism of the language used to increase the effectiveness of the complaint.
task achievement
The letter covers all required points: details of the issues, family reactions, and a clear request for resolution.
greeting and closing
The ending of the letter is polite, which is appropriate for a letter of complaint.
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