'We should introduce laws to make businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company.' How far do you support this idea? Give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Their
is no doubt, that laws should protect basic human values and stimulate Replace the word
There
development
of society. Add an article
the development
However
, i
do not agree with the idea Change the capitalization
I
to make
businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company. The initiative has many drawbacks, which I will Change preposition
of making
be described
in the essay.
Wrong verb form
describe
To begin
with, the situation when an employer has to hire same
number of male and female employees stimulates sexual discrimination. Change the article
a same
the same
This
is because, in the case, when men's vacancies occupied
, the company looks for female ones, discriminating Add a missing verb
are occupied
Change preposition
against proffessionals
proffessionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
in
Change preposition
of
Correct article usage
the oposite
oposite
sex. Correct your spelling
opposite
For instance
, a perfect IT engineer will not get hired in an IT company in the case when the law demands
employ equal numbers of male and female workers and the Add the particle
demands to
nesessity
for men has been satisfied. Correct your spelling
necessity
In contrast
, without this
controversial messure
, the Correct your spelling
measure
vacansies
will be covered without preferences to the particular sex.
Correct your spelling
vacancies
In addition
, the idea to constrain
companies' rights to take employees of different Change preposition
of constraining
sex
in Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
same
quantity is Correct article usage
the same
imposible
to realize in some spheres, where only Correct your spelling
impossible
man
can work. It is hard to imagine, that Fix the agreement mistake
men
woman
will Correct article usage
a woman
be
work as Unnecessary verb
apply
lumberjack
with Add an article
a lumberjack
havy
chainsaw in Correct your spelling
a
hands
all day longCorrect pronoun usage
her hands
,
or do road work, where rude physical Remove the comma
apply
strenght
is needed. It could be explained, that many jobs are appropriate only for one gender, and attempts to convert a one gender profession to Correct your spelling
strength
unisex
one could create more drawbacks the benefits. Correct article usage
a unisex
Moreover
, if the law be
implemented, some companies will not close many vacancies, and a variety of projects may postpone or be Change the verb form
is
closes
.
In conclusion, I do not support the Wrong verb form
closed
inisiative
to make all institutions gender equal in Correct your spelling
initiative
light
of the fact that it supports Add an article
the light
sexul
discrimination in Correct your spelling
sexual
hiring
process. Add an article
the hiring
Furthermore
, the implementation of the law is being questioned in some spesific
jobs Correct your spelling
specific
such
as a miner or a nurse.Submitted by sergeybelov83 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure all statements are coherent and logically structured. Organize your ideas clearly to improve readability.
task achievement
Make sure you present fully supported arguments. Use more specific examples related to personal experience or broaden the range of evidence to validate your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise.
task achievement
You've addressed all aspects of the task and provided relevant points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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