IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter: • remind him when and where you met • tell him what kind of job you are interested in • say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job
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Dear Sir or Madam I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to let you know my problems
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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I took a flight to Tashkent city on Uzbekistan
air
Capitalize word
Air
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 on January
16 th
Correct your spelling
16th
. By chance. we got together on
this
Linking Words
 flight, I was happy to meet you and I know that you are
businessman
Correct article usage
a businessman
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 which
run
Change the verb form
runs
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 the
restaurant
Use synonyms
. I ask you to manage the
restaurant
Use synonyms
,
that is
Linking Words
 as a manager because I have been working
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
restaurant
Use synonyms
 in my city for many years. In
Use synonyms
restaurant
Add an article
the restaurant
a restaurant
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, where I worked for many years, I learned all the directions. And you can trust me with everything because I have never betrayed anyone. I am giving you
this
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 offer because I can manage the
restaurant
Use synonyms
 well. From my point of view, I am suitable for
this
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 kind of job because I have had work experience over the years. I hope that my qualifications and experience above,
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will give me
this
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 management position. If I take on
this
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 position, I believe I will perform well. I really hope to hear back from you soon and one more thing is that I want to quickly come to your
restaurant
Use synonyms
 to work. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Shabnam
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
While the overall response is complete, it would benefit from more specific details about your previous work experience. Try to include concrete examples of your achievements or responsibilities in your past roles.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your points are well-organized and logically structured. Some sentences are a bit unclear, such as 'I am giving you this offer,' which can be rephrased for clarity.
coherence cohesion
The letter includes a clear greeting and closing, which contributes to the overall coherence and structure.
task achievement
You identify yourself well and remind the businessman of where you met, fulfilling one of the required tasks.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chain of restaurants
  • potential job opportunity
  • relevant experience
  • managerial role
  • customer service
  • qualifications
  • certifications
  • unique skills
  • eagerness
  • admiration
  • resume
  • references
  • face-to-face meeting
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