IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the average money spentper customer on various types ofequipment in a Canadian sports store.

The chart below shows the average money spentper customer on various types ofequipment in a Canadian sports store.
The line graph illustrates the average price
that
Correct word choice
apply
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per customer paid for
differ
Replace the word
different
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 facilities in a Canadian sports shop between 2000 to 2020. It is evidence that
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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tent
Correct your spelling
tend
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 to spend money on rugby and football through that period.
Besides
Linking Words
,the customer spent the least money on swimming in 2000 and the expenditure on tennis was
minimum
Replace the word
minimal
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 in 2020. The
spend
Replace the word
spending
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of
Change preposition
on
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 rugby and swimming is a little similar over the period.From 2000 to 2010,the spending of customers
increase
Change the verb form
increases
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 dramatically,rising to 60 and 40
dollars
Use synonyms
 respectively .After that,the swimming
facilities
Change noun form
facilities'
facility's
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 spending constantly
incline
Verb problem
increased
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,reaching the peach
to
Change preposition
of
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 about 30
dollars
Use synonyms
 between 2010 to 2020.
However
Linking Words
,the rugby spending
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
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 significantly,reaching to about 30
dollars
Use synonyms
. Throughout
this
Linking Words
 period,there was a steady decline
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 tennis equipment,reaching approximately 10
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
,the football
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 spending
fall
Replace the word
fell
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 significantly
initially
Linking Words
 from 2000 to 2010 ,reducing to 40
dollars
Use synonyms
.And
then
Linking Words
 the spend of that grow considerably,reaching the peach to approximately 70
dollars
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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