IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given graph displays the proportion of
visitors
 who paid a visit to four Brighton destinations in England between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
, the
number
 of tourists visiting art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
 witnessed a significant decrease during the 30-year
period
.
While
 there was an increase in the percentage of
visitors
 going to
pavillion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
 and pier from 1980 to 2010, the
figure
 of people joining
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
show examples
 saw a slight drop over the
period
. As can be seen from the line chart, the
number
 of tourists taking part in
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
show examples
initially
 was the highest at about 30% in1985,
then
 the
figure
 fell moderately
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 just nearly 4%.
Similarly
, there was a drop in the
number
 of people visiting art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same
period
 of time. The
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 art gallery
visitors
initially
 peaked at just more than 30%, followed by a sharp decrease to just 20%,
then
 fell gradually to just below 10%. Looking at the chart in more detail, the
number
 of
visitors
 going to
Correct article usage
the pavillion
show examples
pavillion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
 reached the highest point at just below 50% in 1995, making
Correct article usage
the pavillion
show examples
pavillion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
 the most popular destination over the
period
, the
figure
then
 dropped substantially to just about 30% in 2010. The percentage of pier
visitors
 saw a fluctuation between 1980 and 2000
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before the
figure
 rose significantly to just over 20%
at the end
 of the
period
.
Submitted by kelsey.aston.aie on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, number, period, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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