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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#unemployment #rates #uk #rest #europe #japan #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph illustrates information about the number of jobless
Use synonyms
level
Change to a plural noun
levels
show examples
 in the
UK
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,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and other countries in Europe from 1993 to 2007
Overall
Linking Words
, from 1993 to 2007 the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 country that has jobless rate
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
Use synonyms
EU
Correct article usage
the EU
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,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 slightly below the
EU
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
 degree was lower
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the
EU
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 and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, indicating
Japan
Use synonyms
 is successfully maintaining the nation's productivity
level
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 1993 had higher
unemployment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 rather than
Use synonyms
EU
Correct article usage
the EU
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, as time
marches
Wrong verb form
marched
show examples
 on, the jobless
level
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 decreased a lot
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
making it the country with
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 in the
EU
Use synonyms
. It described in 2003 where
Use synonyms
UK'
Change noun form
UK's
show examples
rates
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 below the rest of Europe and
Japan
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
showing
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
a great productivity levels
Correct the article-noun agreement
a great productivity level
great productivity levels
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 by maintaining the jobless rate not above 6 from 1993 to 2007.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the
EU
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 and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
's
unemployment
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 was the lowest except in 2003. But
then
Linking Words
, from 1999 the
unemployment
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 it higher than
UK
Use synonyms
 in 2003.
Submitted by megyfebryanisyah on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words level, uk, japan, eu, unemployment, rates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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