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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of males and females aged 60-64 in
employment
Use synonyms
 in Australia, Japan, the USA, and
Belgium
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 in the
years
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 1970 and after 30
years
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the charts that men in Japan had the biggest
percentage
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,
while
Linking Words
women
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 in
Belgium
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 had the smallest
percentage
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the men had a
big
Fix the agreement mistake
higher
show examples
percentage
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 of
employment
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 than
women
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 in every country. In 1970, the peak
percentage
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 was Japan with 84%, but it decreased to about 75% after 3 decades. The less significant feature was
Belgium
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 with nearly 80% and
this
Linking Words
 fell to a minimum point at
of
Change preposition
apply
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just under 20% in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the USA with Australia had the approximately same
percentage
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 at 73% in the year 1970, and like others, these countries' cents went down and reached 55% and 47%, respectively in 2000. Japanese
women
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also
Linking Words
 had the maximum amount of
employment
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 with 43%, in 1970 and it went down a little bit and took a point at exactly 40%. The USA
also
Linking Words
 had a big number of
employment
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 at 36% at the beginning, but it rose to 38% in 2000. Just like that, Australia's
women
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 went up from 18% to 19%, in the
years
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 1970 and 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Belgium
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 with a minimum
percentage
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 of 8%, in 1970 fell to 7% after 30
years
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, belgium, years, percentage, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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