Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think these activities are not beneficial for a child's mental health To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days many
of
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apply
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children spend a
lot
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lot of
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time on
tecnology
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technology
So some people think that
damage
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damages
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for
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apply
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thier
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their
healthy
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health
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.
While
,
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apply
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others believe that benefit for them. because maybe will be a good factor for children .
This
essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal opinion.
In
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On
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one
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the one
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hand
use
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using
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Correct article usage
the enternet
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enternet
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internet
more will be
worst
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worse
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because
its
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it
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make
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makes
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healthy
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health
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bad.
Also
piscully
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physically
they will not get
move
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moved
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.
Moreover
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Moreover,
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mantully
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manfully
manually
mentally
they will be to
trun
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turn
run
of
thier
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their
maind
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mind
main
.
Submitted by shougaldhafere on

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task achievement
Make sure to give specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention studies or personal observations to back up the points about mental and physical health impacts.
coherence cohesion
Create clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument and ends with a summarizing sentence or transition to the next paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use full, grammatically correct sentences. Pay attention to spelling and punctuation errors, such as 'tecnology' instead of 'technology' and 'mantully' instead of 'mentally'.
task achievement
You clearly attempt to cover both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the prompt and an effort to give a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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