Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think these activities are not beneficial for a child's mental health To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children spend a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
time on
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
So some people think that
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others believe that benefit for them. because maybe will be a good factor for children .
This
essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal opinion.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
Correct article usage
the enternet
show examples
enternet
Correct your spelling
internet
more will be
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
because
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
bad.
Also
piscully
Correct your spelling
physically
they will not get
move
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
mantully
Correct your spelling
manfully
manually
mentally
they will be to
trun
Correct your spelling
turn
run
of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
maind
Correct your spelling
mind
main
.
Submitted by shougaldhafere on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to give specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention studies or personal observations to back up the points about mental and physical health impacts.
coherence cohesion
Create clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument and ends with a summarizing sentence or transition to the next paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use full, grammatically correct sentences. Pay attention to spelling and punctuation errors, such as 'tecnology' instead of 'technology' and 'mantully' instead of 'mentally'.
task achievement
You clearly attempt to cover both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the prompt and an effort to give a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: