IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is the best to save money, for exemple in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach on opinion on this debate

#people #money #exemple #bank #savings #scheme #debate
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According to
Linking Words
 some individuals,
money
Use synonyms
 should be saved in the bank or other
savings
Use synonyms
 scheme,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent when it is available. I personally believe that
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 generally love to spend
money
Use synonyms
 when it is available to them, saving
money
Use synonyms
 in the bank or
saving
Replace the word
savings
show examples
 schemes is necessary.
People
Use synonyms
 prefer saving
money
Use synonyms
 in the bank or
savings
Use synonyms
 scheme because it ensures them a sense of security about their
future
Use synonyms
.
Money
Use synonyms
 is an
intrgral
Correct your spelling
integral
 part of our life and it is essential to meet our daily needs. If we can save a certain amount of
money
Use synonyms
 every month, we can spend it when we
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone suddenly
loss
Replace the word
loses
show examples
 his job, he can survive with his
savings
Use synonyms
 for a certain period of time, until he finds out his next job.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that saving
money
Use synonyms
 is a good choice, and everyone should practice it.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 like to spend
money
Use synonyms
 whenever they have it because they believe in leading a luxurious life than saving for the
future
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. Spending
money
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 just after
recieving
Correct your spelling
receiving
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
, or buying unnecessary products provides some
sorts
Fix the agreement mistake
sort
show examples
 of pleasure temporarily, but in the long
run
Add a comma
run,
show examples
 it ruins our
future
Use synonyms
. When bad times come in the lives of
people
Use synonyms
, they become helpless because they do not have any
savings
Use synonyms
, and they have to
lend
Verb problem
borrow
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 from others.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in the UK mostly spend their monthly salary on unnecessary products, and when they really require
money
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, their hands go empty.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think
money
Use synonyms
 should not
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 only because it is available on hand. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 provides a sense of pleasure for a short period of time,
money
Use synonyms
 should be saved for the
future
Use synonyms
 because it gives us security at that time.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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Grammar
Try to minimize minor grammatical errors and typos such as 'recieve' instead of 'receive'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your use of linking words to further improve the coherence of the essay. Words like 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'Hence' can be helpful.
Task Achievement
Include more varied and specific examples to better illustrate your points.
Grammar
Be careful with spelling mistakes such as 'intrgral' instead of 'integral'. Proofread your work to maintain accuracy.
Structure
Clear and concise introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs that support the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay fully addresses the task with a balanced discussion of both viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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