Most high level positions in companies are filled by men eventhough the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50%female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain % of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that most
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
postions
in companies are held by men. Correct your spelling
positions
This
is despite the fact that workforce
in most developed countries Correct article usage
the workforce
are
50 % female. There is a growing Change the verb form
is
centiment
among Correct your spelling
sentiment
public
that Add an article
the public
certain
percentage of these Correct article usage
a certain
high level
management positions should be reserved for women. Add a hyphen
high-level
This
essay will consider both sides of the argument to ultimately reach an effective conclusion.
Firstly
, a strong argument as to why men are more commonly hired for top positions is because
they can Correct word choice
that
work
longer than their female counterpart
. Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
For example
, a female employee might require pregnancy leave during second
or third trimesters. Correct article usage
the second
This
requires absence from work
and delegating their responsibility to other staff members. Furthermore
, many female workers require time off during Correct article usage
the menustral
menustral
period. Companies may feel that men can Correct your spelling
menstrual
work
much longer hours and require fewer work
absences.
Conversely
, there are certain jobs which are traditionally more female occupied
. Add a hyphen
female-occupied
Gynacologists
and nurses tend to be Correct your spelling
Gynaecologists
primarly
female. Correct your spelling
primarily
primary
This
could be because the majority of pregnant women prefer female doctor
for pregnancy Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
examination
. Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
Additionally
, female nurses are generally considered more empathetic than their male counterpart
. Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
This
could explain why most hospital's
hire predominantly female heads to manage these departments.
As with all issues, a balanced approach is the best solution. I am of the opinion companies should be able to allowed to hire, whomever is the most qualified for the job. Jobs like nursing, Change noun form
hospitals
Correct word choice
and gynacology
gynacology
usually require female overhead Correct your spelling
gynaecology
while
other jobs might require male management.Submitted by naveengeorge95 on
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task achievement
Make sure to address the topic directly in the introduction. Your current introduction is good, but it can be clearer in stating your position on the issue.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments, as this can strengthen your response.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed. Some points, such as the argument about male employees working longer hours, need more depth and explanation to be convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph connects well with the next one and that there is a clear progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay can benefit from more varied sentence structures and a richer vocabulary to improve readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their purpose well in framing your argument.
task achievement
You've made an effort to consider both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example