Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledger or experience.
Gender
commonly become
the main Wrong verb form
becomes
differences
in Fix the agreement mistake
difference
this
society nowadays. However
, many professions assumed
that women and men have the same Wrong verb form
assume
strengths
and weaknesses in general. I strongly disagree if there are any professions that only
suitable for a particular Add a missing verb
are only
gender
and the reasons.
Excluding one gender
in Correct article usage
the ceritain
ceritain
profession is not right, just Correct your spelling
certain
because
the assumption of its Add the preposition
because of
gender
general
Add a missing verb
is general
weeknesses
. The truth is each profession Correct your spelling
weaknesses
require
some different technical skills and soft skills; Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
however
, these skills are not directly related to the strengths
and weaknesses that based
on Add a missing verb
are based
gender
. Despite this
truth, there are some companies which still implement this
kind of restriction. Therefore
, we still need to encourage the company to give it a try.
There are many possibilities that a specific weakness might affect the proficiency of a specific skill. For instance
, women who likely to be more sensitive feeling. That weakness could make her get better
understanding of their client. As Add an article
a better
the
result, she could have a better business-to-client relationship. Correct article usage
a
On the other hand
, men who could have long-term vission
which led the company get another opportunity, Correct your spelling
vision
that
because of Correct word choice
apply
his
weakness Correct pronoun usage
their
in
hard to focus on the actual time. It Correct your spelling
it
also
applies to some strengths
that might lead to some negative impacts.
In conclusion, the ability to work on
certain fields is not based on Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
gender
. Moreover
, the strengths
and weaknesses between men and women are not always different. I believe by
thinking more open-minded, specifically in hiring employees, will Change preposition
that
bring
the company find many ways to Verb problem
help
growth
their business.Replace the word
grow
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task achievement
While the essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and provides a clear stance, it should include more specific examples to strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning particular professions or real-life instances where women or men excel in unexpected fields would enhance the task response.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are several grammatical and vocabulary errors that impact readability. Improving sentence structure and word choice will make your ideas clearer. For instance, 'many professions assumed that women and men have the same strengths and weaknesses' can be made precise by saying 'many assume that men and women have different strengths and weaknesses'.
coherence cohesion
Make use of transition words such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'therefore' more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic from the outset and maintains it throughout.
supported main points
You made a good effort to link the strengths and weaknesses typically associated with each gender to professional skills, which is a unique and thoughtful approach.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example