Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledger or experience.

Gender
commonly
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
the main
differences
Fix the agreement mistake
difference
show examples
in
this
society nowadays.
However
, many professions
assumed
Wrong verb form
assume
show examples
that women and men have the same
strengths
and weaknesses in general. I strongly disagree if there are any professions that
only
Add a missing verb
are only
show examples
suitable for a particular
gender
and the reasons. Excluding one
gender
in
Correct article usage
the ceritain
show examples
ceritain
Correct your spelling
certain
profession is not right, just
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
the assumption of its
gender
general
Add a missing verb
is general
show examples
weeknesses
Correct your spelling
weaknesses
. The truth is each profession
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
some different technical skills and soft skills;
however
, these skills are not directly related to the
strengths
and weaknesses that
based
Add a missing verb
are based
show examples
on
gender
. Despite
this
truth, there are some companies which still implement
this
kind of restriction.
Therefore
, we still need to encourage the company to give it a try. There are many possibilities that a specific weakness might affect the proficiency of a specific skill.
For instance
, women who likely to be more sensitive feeling. That weakness could make her get
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
understanding of their client. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result, she could have a better business-to-client relationship.
On the other hand
, men who could have long-term
vission
Correct your spelling
vision
which led the company get another opportunity,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
weakness
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
hard to focus on the actual time. It
also
applies to some
strengths
that might lead to some negative impacts. In conclusion, the ability to work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
certain fields is not based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
.
Moreover
, the
strengths
and weaknesses between men and women are not always different. I believe
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
thinking more open-minded, specifically in hiring employees, will
bring
Verb problem
help
show examples
the company find many ways to
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
their business.
Submitted by rasyidrahma13 on

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task achievement
While the essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and provides a clear stance, it should include more specific examples to strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning particular professions or real-life instances where women or men excel in unexpected fields would enhance the task response.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are several grammatical and vocabulary errors that impact readability. Improving sentence structure and word choice will make your ideas clearer. For instance, 'many professions assumed that women and men have the same strengths and weaknesses' can be made precise by saying 'many assume that men and women have different strengths and weaknesses'.
coherence cohesion
Make use of transition words such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'therefore' more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic from the outset and maintains it throughout.
supported main points
You made a good effort to link the strengths and weaknesses typically associated with each gender to professional skills, which is a unique and thoughtful approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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