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Band 4

Employment should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#employment #staff #-week #holiday #year #employees #jobs
No doubt, we need holidays in our lives, we are not aware of why, or we cannot define reasons, but we just respond to our bodies' needs. The duration of
holiday
 is usually variable between 2-4 weeks, and some countries work approximately just four weeks per year. I highly recommend
this
, because in my opinion there are 6 reasons
explains
Change the verb form
explain
show examples
 why our bodies need rest and ultimately why we feel that we need to
reseat
Correct your spelling
reset
show examples
 our brains.
First,
going on
holiday
 usually involves
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
. Aside from the incredible feeling of immersing yourself in a new place, eating delicious food, and meeting new friends.
Second,
having a
holiday
 provides huge benefits to our
health
,
however
, you will not stick to your laptop worrying about the updates of your work.
Third,
maintaining good physical
health
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
could decrease the risk of heart disease. Fourth, improve sleep quality during the
holiday
, because when we take time away from work we get less stress and have plenty of time to sleep. Fifth, the fifth reason and the most important one is to lose weight, recently research proves that
health
 and holidays go hand in hand,
besides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental
health
 is improved in
holiday
. Sixth, increase productivity, because the
holiday
 puts you in a good mood so, you will be able to achieve and create new solving methods. In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 I highly advise you to take time with your family and organize a trip, you will feel a fresh reinvigorated person.
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
It is essential to develop your ideas with more relevant examples and specific evidence, which would enhance the strength of your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid repetition to ensure clear and concise expression of your ideas. For example, don't repeat 'I highly recommend this,' instead use varied expressions to convey your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect your paragraphs more seamlessly with transitional phrases to improve the logical flow of your arguments.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frames your argument.
supported main points
Main points are listed out and explained, showing a good understanding of why holidays are beneficial.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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