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Band 4.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients #summarise #information #features #comparison
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The food that we eat
supply
Change the verb form
supplies
show examples
 the nutrients that our body needs to survive. There are three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. These are the meals typically consumed in the United States of America. There are
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat, and added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Breakfast
Use synonyms
,
lunch
Use synonyms
, and
dinner
Use synonyms
, we eat three times a day. The average
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 in
breakfast
Use synonyms
 is 14%, in
lunch
Use synonyms
 29%, in
dinner
Use synonyms
 43% and in
snacks
Use synonyms
 there is 14%. Meanwhile, the average
percentage
Use synonyms
 of saturated fat in our
breakfast
Use synonyms
 is 16%, in
lunch
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 26%, in
dinner
Use synonyms
 37% and in
snacks
Use synonyms
 21%.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the average
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
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added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in our
breakfast
Use synonyms
 is 16%, in
lunch
Use synonyms
 19%, in
dinner
Use synonyms
 37% and in the
snacks
Use synonyms
 that we eat 42%. In conclusion, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 have the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
breakfast
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
sodium
Use synonyms
 has only 14%.
Sodium
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 and saturated fat have the same
percentage
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 only has 19%.
In
Change preposition
At
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dinner
Use synonyms
,
sodium
Use synonyms
 has the highest
by
Change preposition
apply
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43%. And in
snacks
Use synonyms
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 has the highest count by 42%. Remember that if we eat too much of these unhealthy nutrients, in the long term it can lead us to
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity or
heart related
Add a hyphen
heart-related
show examples
 problems.
Submitted by lydiaia on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, breakfast, lunch, dinner, percentage, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • average percentage
  • distribution
  • consumption
  • meal times
  • excessive
  • implications
  • dietary
  • intake
  • macronutrients
  • saturated fats
  • sugars
  • sodium
  • unhealthy
  • proportion
  • variation
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