IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
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The pie charts provide the percentage of the public sector employed by dividing them into five
age
 categories in the UK from 2015 to 2020.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the proportion for 21 to 30 and over 50 was similar to each other in 2015,
while
 the former saw
Correct article usage
an incease
show examples
incease
Correct your spelling
increase
increases
 in 2020 and the latter experienced
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
. A
noteable
Correct your spelling
notable
noticeable
 feature of the data is the dramatic growth in the 41 to 50
age
 group,
whereas
people
 under 21 represented a slight rise by 2020. Looking in more detail, in 2015 the workforce was dominated by two
age
 groups, 21 to 30 and over 50, at 23% of the total. Followed by
people
 aged 31 to 40, with 21%. The figure for individuals who are from 41 to 50 was less than 20%,
finally
, the rate of
people
 who are under 21 years old and have jobs in the public sector was roughly 14%. In terms
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the ratio of staff employed in 2020, the
majortiy
Correct your spelling
majority
 of them
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 from
21
Correct article usage
the 21
show examples
 to 30
age
 category, accounting
33
Change preposition
for 33
show examples
% of the sum. There was a sharp growth of
people
 working from
age
 41 to 50, comprising 28%,
whereas
 all other three categories had
plunge
Correct article usage
a plunge
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the percentage.
Submitted by imaharzm on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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