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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what history graduates did after completing their undergraduate degree course from a university in the UK the table shows the sectors and these graduates were employed in within 6 years of graduating and their average incomes

The chart below shows what history graduates did after completing their undergraduate degree course from a university in the UK the table shows the sectors and these graduates were employed in within 6 years of graduating and their average incomes
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The pie chart illustrates what alumnus did in the past after finishing their
bachelor
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bachelor's
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 degree course from a university in the UK. The table depicts the categories these alumni were employed in within six years of graduating and their average profits. When considered together, the information suggests that there were some
link
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links
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 between job
sectors
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 who graduated in the past and
employment
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. The other
employment
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sectors
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 which
roughly
Add a missing verb
were roughly
show examples
 37%
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the highest registered for full-time
work
Use synonyms
 about 6%
due to
Linking Words
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 fee
only
Change preposition
of only
show examples
 30,000 in
Pounds
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 Sterling. Meanwhile,
second
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the second
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 majority of
employment
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sectors
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 was history
teacher
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teachers
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 which applied
about
Change preposition
to about
show examples
 30%, had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 general income
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
 32,000
Pounds
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 Sterling. It correlated with the part-time
work
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 which
people
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 applied for part-time
work
Use synonyms
 approximately 15%.
However
Linking Words
, there was an occupation division
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the applier about 18%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, public who did not
work
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 around 12%. It
associated
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is associated
show examples
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
with
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 the huge capital wage average income from solicitor
worker
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workers
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 around 57,000
Pounds
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 Sterling. Historian occupational industry which earned 49,000
Pounds
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 Sterling for their employer had the second highest per capita profits. It had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 correlation with
full-time
Add an article
the full-time
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 postgrad study because the number registered about 7%
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people
Change preposition
of people
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. The lowest profession market was
archaeologist
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archaeologists
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 who applied only 6% and took the part-time postgrad study around 4%
due to
Linking Words
 the salary was the lowest among the other
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 about 29,000
Pounds
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 Sterling for
people
Use synonyms
 who applied.
Overall
Linking Words
, the other professions were the most popular job among the others
such
Linking Words
 as
solicitor
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a solicitor
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, history teacher, archaeologist and Historian because the
salary
Add a verb
salary is
salary was
show examples
 relatively cheap for full-time
work
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. Meanwhile,
archaeologist
Fix the agreement mistake
archaeologists
show examples
 had less applier
due to
Linking Words
people
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 must
did
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 the
oart-time
Correct your spelling
part-time
 postgrad study and the profits
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the smallest among the other
employment
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sectors
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, employment, work, pounds, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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