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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the levels of employment in different sectors of the UK economy from 1910 to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the levels of employment in different sectors of the UK economy from 1910 to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#levels #employment #sectors #uk #economy #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the number of employments in four different industries, namely services, manufacturing, energy and construction, and agriculture, between 1910 and 2010 in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was an upward trend
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
employee
Correct article usage
the employee
show examples
 level.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the left 3 industries, agriculture, energy and construction, and
manufaturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
, were
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
downtrend. Beginning, The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of workers in
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 business stood at about 4
million
Use synonyms
 in 1910. After that, it climbed to 10
million
Use synonyms
 in 1930, which is
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 in all four sectors, and dramatically increased to above a little 20
million
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 level in manufacturing was dominant
Change preposition
in all
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 of market which was about 5
million
Use synonyms
 in 1910,
then
Linking Words
 it slightly changed in 1930
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 6
million
Use synonyms
 people.
While
Linking Words
 1950 experienced a peak
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 sector
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 8
million
Use synonyms
 employees and
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
 decline from 1950 to 2010, at which point it was below a little bit than 5
million
Use synonyms
. Employee levels in energy
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
construction and agriculture sectors have similar
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
, at the start of the period, there were 3 and 2
million
Use synonyms
 people in these businesses, respectively. Since 1910, the number of
employments
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 had slightly decreased to approximately 2 and 1
million
Use synonyms
 in both sectors (respectively) in 2010.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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