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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#information #predictions #change #percentage #population #three #countries #summarise #features #comparisons
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The table depicts the difference in
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
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 of the population aged
from
Change preposition
apply
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65 and above in three
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
regions . It is clear from the graph that the rate of population who aged above 65 reached the highest in Germany compared with other nations during the period shown
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of people who above 65 years ranked the
lowes
Correct your spelling
lowest
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 in the UK .
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown . In
Canada
Add a comma
Canada,
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 the
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
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 of people who has 65
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 was at 16 .32
in1988
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in 1988
 and will
be increase
Change the verb form
increase
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to26
Correct your spelling
to 26
 in 2030.
On
Change preposition
In
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
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, in 1988 the figure
of
Change preposition
for
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 individuals who had 65
about
Add a missing verb
was about
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20 .45
Correct your spelling
20.45
 and will jump to 30. 42 in 2030 in Germany region
while
Linking Words
 the
uk
Correct your spelling
UK
became
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the
lowes
Correct your spelling
lowest
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 rate of
population
Add an article
the population
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 above 65 years in 1988
additionally
Linking Words
, there was a little difference in
ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
show examples
 for people above 65 by 2000 .
However
Linking Words
 , the percentage will grow to 20.35 in 2030 .
Submitted by aldossaryfaten95 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • population aged 65 and above
  • current figures
  • evident trends
  • patterns
  • increases
  • decreases
  • rates of change
  • growth rate
  • predictions
  • future changes
  • significant shifts
  • figures
  • summarize
  • comparison
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