IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart gives information about the proportion of the Canadian workforce in five types
industries
Change preposition
of industries
show examples
 between 1850 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, as it is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
 from the bar chart there are five
categorise
Correct your spelling
categories
show examples
 of industries
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
namely services,
energy
Use synonyms
/
water
Use synonyms
 , agriculture/fishing ,construction and manufacturing
in addition
Linking Words
 the highest percentage of
Canadian
Correct article usage
the Canadian
show examples
 workforce was services during the period 2020
while
Linking Words
 the lowest proportions of agriculture with fishing and
energy
Use synonyms
 with
water
Use synonyms
 was by 2020.
Gerenally
Correct your spelling
Generally
 speaking, in 1850 the percentage of
Canadian
Correct article usage
the Canadian
show examples
 workforce the general trend was
increase
Fix the infinitive
to increase
show examples
 to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high level
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 manufacturing after that the figure decreased slightly in services to
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 up up third
per
Correct your spelling
per cent
show examples
 cent
then
Linking Words
 the rate of industrial
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 down dramatically to reach more than twenty
pre
Correct your spelling
per
show examples
 cent
additionally
Linking Words
 in construction the percentage was under ten and
lastly
Linking Words
 during
1850
Add a comma
1850,
show examples
 the figure was the lowest per
cen
Correct your spelling
cent
 in
energy
Use synonyms
 with
water
Use synonyms
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , in 2020 the general trend was fluctuating
however
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture with fishing
moreover
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 with
water
Use synonyms
 was 1 %.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce composition
  • significant shift
  • increase/decrease in percentage
  • service industries
  • manufacturing
  • construction
  • noteworthy trends
  • tech industry
  • economic evolution
  • technological evolution
  • main features
  • comparisons
What to do next:
Look at other essays: