In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
21st century, there is
emerging
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an emerging
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situation in
majority
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the majority
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of
nation
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nations
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that their citizens should travel apart from their
friends
and families in order to get
job
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a job
the job
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.
Athough
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Although
there are certain drawbacks
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. I will clarify my statements by relevant
argument
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arguments
show examples
related to my claim in
given
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the given
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paragraphs.
To begin
with, there are several advantages if
people
migrate to another place to work as there will be several
oppourtinities
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opportunities
waiting for them.
Similarly
, the situation will be tough and
working
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the working
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skill
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skills
show examples
of workers will develop significantly.
Whereas
, developed skills will lead them
into
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to
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promotion and higher income at
workplace
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the workplace
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.
In addition
,
people
will feel free to work as they are left out
from
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of
show examples
family pressures.
For instance
, in a recent research done in
india
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India
show examples
, it revealed that
number
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a number
the number
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of teenagers are into wrong action
due to
their connection with peers.
Therefore
, to avoid
such
circumtances
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circumstances
people
should move away from
friends
and families to work.
On the other hand
, leaving away from family has numerous
downside
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downsides
show examples
.
This
is to say that, if
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the
a
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person lives away from his parents
then
they won't get any kind of
helps
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help
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and care if they
get
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gets
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sick.
Furthermore
, human beings often get lonely and down so in
such
case
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cases
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they will require
friends
to keep them motivated and strong.
Such
terrified
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terrifying
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situations might lead
person
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a person
the person
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into mental
ilness
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illness
which can lead to
depressions
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depression
show examples
and anxiety in future.
For example
,
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the suciede
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suciede
Correct your spelling
suicide
rate in China and Japan is increasing at
alarming
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an alarming
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rate
due to
high stress and anxiety among citizens. To encapsulate,
it is clear that
there is
undeniable
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an undeniable
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drawback
people's
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to people's
show examples
mental health if they move away from
friends
and families to find a career.
However
, higher income and developed skills would be enough
advantage
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advantages
show examples
to outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
Submitted by cranjal07 on

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language
Focus on improving sentence structure and variety.
content
Provide clearer supporting details for your arguments.
organisation
Ensure logical flow from one paragraph to another.
task response
The essay presents a clear opinion on the issue and supports it with reasons.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are evident and contribute to the overall answer.
task achievement
Use of examples to illustrate points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
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