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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart above shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make

The chart above shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features
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The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 For
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and women between
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britian
Correct your spelling
Britain
 from 1970 to 1990. As can be seen, In
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest
number
Use synonyms
 over three years.
Use synonyms
whil
Correct your spelling
while
, in the
Use synonyms
Part
Add a hyphen
Part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
education
deducation
Add the comma(s)
deducation,
show examples
 has
Less
Change the quantifier
Fewer
show examples
 Points.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
were fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 in numbers. In 1970/71
Use synonyms
thir
Correct your spelling
their
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 increased to 1000, It
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest
number
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
whil
Correct your spelling
while
, in 1980/81 it
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 decreased in to higher than 800 werd
Less
Change the quantifier
Fewer
show examples
 points.
However
Linking Words
, in 1990/91
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 grow to
nerly
Correct your spelling
nearly
 900.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
Part
Add a hyphen
Part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 minise
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1970/71 to 1990/91
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
 from 1 to 200
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, In
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 were
climb
Wrong verb form
climbing
show examples
 gradually. In 1970 were
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 around 700.
Use synonyms
whil
Correct your spelling
while
, in 1980 go up to under 800.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
thir
Correct your spelling
there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 in 1990 around 1100 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
Part
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
education
Use synonyms
thir
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
nerly
Correct your spelling
nearly
 same
number
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and 1990.
Use synonyms
whil
Correct your spelling
while
, In 1970 were Less Point around 1.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
thir
Correct your spelling
their
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 increased over the years
Use synonyms
whil
Correct your spelling
while
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased.
Submitted by almay on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, education, time, part, whil, thir with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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