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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph illustrates the frequency of eating at fast food restaurants amongst Americans between 2003 and 2013. Overall, most Americans eat at those restaurants between once a week to twice a month. Looking in closer detail at the chart, it can be observed that just over 30 % of people in USA used to eat in fast foods once a week whilst 30% used to eat in fast food once or twice a week. A minority of people never consumed fast food neither consumed it daily .In 2006, a slight increase in the frequency of once week can be noticed. At the same time, the percentage of several times a week consumers growth moving from around 16% to exactly 20%; as well as the feature of once or twice a month . Furthermore, there were still few people, approximatively 3%, who were daily fast-food customers. Finally, in 2013, about 33% of people used to eat fast food once or twice a month and still a tiny portion of individuals used to purchase fast foods every day or never.

The bar graph illustrates the frequency of eating at fast food restaurants amongst Americans between 2003 and 2013. Overall, most Americans eat at those restaurants between once a week to twice a month. Looking in closer detail at the chart, it can be observed that just over 30 % of people in USA used to eat in fast foods once a week whilst 30% used to eat in fast food once or twice a week. A minority of people never consumed fast food neither consumed it daily .In 2006, a slight increase in the frequency of once week can be noticed. At the same time, the percentage of several times a week consumers growth moving from around 16% to exactly 20%; as well as the feature of once or twice a month . Furthermore, there were still few people, approximatively 3%, who were daily fast-food customers. Finally, in 2013, about 33% of people used to eat fast food once or twice a month and still a tiny portion of individuals used to purchase fast foods every day or never.
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The bar graph illustrates the frequency of eating at fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 Americans between 2003 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, most Americans eat at those restaurants between once a
week
Use synonyms
 to twice a month. Looking in closer detail at the chart, it can be observed that just over 30 % of
people
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 used to eat
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 once a
week
Use synonyms
 whilst 30% used to eat
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 once or twice a
week
Use synonyms
. A minority of
people
Use synonyms
 never consumed fast
food
Use synonyms
neither
Correct word choice
nor
show examples
 consumed it daily .In 2006, a slight increase in the frequency of once
Use synonyms
week
Correct article usage
a week
show examples
 can be noticed. At the same time, the percentage of several times
a
Add a hyphen
a-week
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 consumers growth moving from around 16% to exactly 20%;
as well as
Linking Words
 the feature of once or twice a month .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there were still
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
approximatively
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 3%, who were daily fast-
food
Use synonyms
 customers.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2013, about 33% of
people
Use synonyms
 used to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 once or twice a month and still a tiny portion of individuals used to purchase fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 every day or never.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, week, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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