Some people say that playing video games is bad for children in every aspects. Others saying that playing video game have positive effects on the way children develop. Disscus both views and give your opinion.

There are two opposing views by other people; the positive and negative effects of
video
games
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young minds and how it affects them. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss the two different takes and provide
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
on the subject of visual gaming. On one hand, the pros of internet
games
can help children
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
mind and body coordination.
This
is
due to
the movement of hands as the brain
send
Correct subject-verb agreement
sends
show examples
signals to respond
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the situation.
Furthermore
, one of its
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
show examples
is to develop sportsmanship
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the youth.
For instance
, a person who lost a game can synthesize their feelings and at the same time be happy for the winning team. As early as 3 years old the kid can be trained to deal with failure and achievement through the stimulation of virtual
games
.
On the other hand
, the cons of internet simulation
such
as
games
can be addicting to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
minors.
Additionally
, students who go to school will be distracted between their
acacdemics
Correct your spelling
academics
academic
and leisure activity of
video
games
.
For example
, during the popularity of the game Defense of the Ancient (DOTA) the Filipino youth
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
high-rise
Correct article usage
a high-rise
show examples
of pupils who
cut-classes
Correct your spelling
cut classes
show examples
in order to play the game. Another disadvantage is the tendency to have
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
body mass index (BMI).
For instance
, the person will have less time to exercise
due to
prioritizing time for playing online
games
. Continually, the result of
this
less physical wellness will lead to obesity and
malnoursishment
Correct your spelling
malnourishment
.
For example
, in the United States of
America
Add a comma
America,
show examples
there are statistics that
points
Change the verb form
point
show examples
to the rise of obesity
due to
online
games
. Based on the different key points, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that there are more drawbacks than advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
playing
video
games
.
Furthermore
, the negative effects are more serious and will
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
an impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young individuals. I believe that
although
video
games
can be entertaining a person needs to
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
use as it has a lot of negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children. In conclusion, there are merits and disadvantages of
video
games
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the young generation.
Although
there are positive takes
such
as
sportmanship
Correct your spelling
sportsmanship
and mind and body coordination aspect, the negative effect has more weight.
Submitted by emmagallares on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure of your essay by connecting paragraphs more seamlessly. Consider using transition words to guide the reader through your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction clearly previews the main arguments that will be discussed, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points along with your opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
You might want to elaborate more on your main points to enhance task achievement. Adding more depth to your arguments can strengthen your essay.
relevant specific examples
You provided specific examples, like the DOTA example in the Philippines, which adds credibility to your arguments.
complete response
You maintained a balanced discussion of both views, which shows a fair attempt to address the task comprehensively.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion points and restates your position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: