Some people say that playing video games is bad for children in every aspects. Others saying that playing video game have positive effects on the way children develop. Disscus both views and give your opinion.
There are two opposing views by other people; the positive and negative effects of
video
games
to
Change preposition
on
the
young minds and how it affects them. In Correct article usage
apply
this
essay
I will discuss the two different takes and provide Add a comma
essay,
opinion
on the subject of visual gaming.
On one hand, the pros of internet Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
games
can help children on
mind and body coordination. Change preposition
with
This
is due to
the movement of hands as the brain send
signals to respond Correct subject-verb agreement
sends
on
the situation. Change preposition
to
Furthermore
, one of its advantage
is to develop sportsmanship Change to a plural noun
advantages
on
the youth. Change preposition
in
For instance
, a person who lost a game can synthesize their feelings and at the same time be happy for the winning team. As early as 3 years old the kid can be trained to deal with failure and achievement through the stimulation of virtual games
.
On the other hand
, the cons of internet simulation such
as games
can be addicting to the
minors. Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, students who go to school will be distracted between their acacdemics
and leisure activity of Correct your spelling
academics
academic
video
games
. For example
, during the popularity of the game Defense of the Ancient (DOTA) the Filipino youth have
Wrong verb form
had
high-rise
of pupils who Correct article usage
a high-rise
cut-classes
in order to play the game. Another disadvantage is the tendency to have Correct your spelling
cut classes
unhealthy
body mass index (BMI). Correct article usage
an unhealthy
For instance
, the person will have less time to exercise due to
prioritizing time for playing online games
. Continually, the result of this
less physical wellness will lead to obesity and malnoursishment
. Correct your spelling
malnourishment
For example
, in the United States of America
there are statistics that Add a comma
America,
points
to the rise of obesity Change the verb form
point
due to
online games
.
Based on the different key points, I believed
that there are more drawbacks than advantages Wrong verb form
believe
of
playing Change preposition
to
video
games
. Furthermore
, the negative effects are more serious and will cause
an impact on Verb problem
have
the
young individuals. I believe that Correct article usage
apply
although
video
games
can be entertaining a person needs to have
Verb problem
be
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
on
Change preposition
for
the
use as it has a lot of negative effects on Change the word
their
the
children.
In conclusion, there are merits and disadvantages of Correct article usage
apply
video
games
to
the young generation. Change preposition
for
Although
there are positive takes such
as sportmanship
and mind and body coordination aspect, the negative effect has more weight.Correct your spelling
sportsmanship
Submitted by emmagallares on
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure of your essay by connecting paragraphs more seamlessly. Consider using transition words to guide the reader through your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction clearly previews the main arguments that will be discussed, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points along with your opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
You might want to elaborate more on your main points to enhance task achievement. Adding more depth to your arguments can strengthen your essay.
relevant specific examples
You provided specific examples, like the DOTA example in the Philippines, which adds credibility to your arguments.
complete response
You maintained a balanced discussion of both views, which shows a fair attempt to address the task comprehensively.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion points and restates your position.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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