IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevan

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevan
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons #relevan
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The given pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 by working
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 in different activities in 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can seen that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 majority of
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 was
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working in both years,
whereas
Linking Words
, a small amount of
time
Use synonyms
 was
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
while
Linking Words
 travel for work in 1958.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, In 1958, more than a third of
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 were working and sleeping.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 exactly 8% of
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 they were relaxing at home. Slightly less than a fifth of
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 they went out with their family and friends.
However
Linking Words
, only 6% of
Use synonyms
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 was given
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 playing sports. In 2008, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
40% of
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 were working, and for a quarter of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the time
show examples
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they were sleeping. Only 13% of
Use synonyms
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 by adults
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
relaxing at home.
Moreover
Linking Words
, exactly 8% of
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
people
Use synonyms
prefers
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to play sports and other activities.
A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
 same proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 was
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 for work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, only 5% of
Use synonyms
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 was given by
people
Use synonyms
 for going out with family and friends.
Submitted by merujain2221 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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