Employers should give their staff at least four weeks’ holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that employers should give their staff at least 1 month
holiday
Use synonyms
a
year
Use synonyms
to improve their performance at
work
Use synonyms
. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
viewpoint because
Use synonyms
holiday
Correct article usage
the holiday
show examples
refreashes
Correct your spelling
refreshes
their minds, and they can spend quality
time
Use synonyms
with their
families
Use synonyms
. At least four
weeks
Use synonyms
holiday
Use synonyms
a
year
Use synonyms
helps to refresh the minds of the
employees
Use synonyms
.
Employees
Use synonyms
can spend
this
Linking Words
holiday
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
their wishes, and have a break from their hectic
work
Use synonyms
schedule. After a hectic
year
Use synonyms
, 4
Use synonyms
weeks
Correct your spelling
4-week
break helps them to relax and take rest. They can do whatever they want for relaxation
such
Linking Words
as going on a vacation or exploring a hobby.
For example
Linking Words
, in Japan, one non-profit organization provides its
employees
Use synonyms
with 3
weeks
Use synonyms
holiday
Use synonyms
every
year
Use synonyms
, and most of the
employees
Use synonyms
go on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vacation on that
holiday
Use synonyms
. Vacations help them to refresh their minds, and improve their performance when they are back to
work
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
employees
Use synonyms
can invest one
holiday
Use synonyms
in a
year
Use synonyms
in spending quality
time
Use synonyms
with their
families
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
their busy
work
Use synonyms
nature,
employees
Use synonyms
cannot spend enough
time
Use synonyms
with their
families
Use synonyms
. If they get
1 month
Add a hyphen
1-month
show examples
break in a
year
Use synonyms
, they can give
time
Use synonyms
to their family
members
Use synonyms
. Family
members
Use synonyms
miss their near and dear ones every day, and if
employees
Use synonyms
are given
1 month
Add a hyphen
1-month
show examples
break in a
year
Use synonyms
, family
members
Use synonyms
can spend
time
Use synonyms
with them.
For example
Linking Words
, around 70% of
employees
Use synonyms
in Australia from numerous organizations have expressed that they prefer spending
time
Use synonyms
with their family
members
Use synonyms
during holidays because their family misses them when they are busy with their
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I agree that
employees
Use synonyms
require 4
weeks
Use synonyms
holiday
Use synonyms
in a
year
Use synonyms
. They can relax
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
that
holiday
Use synonyms
, and spend quality
time
Use synonyms
with their
families
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples to further illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph ties back to your main argument to enhance the cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with a distinct introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and relate to the essay question.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: