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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #women #men #asian #country #test #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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Around the world, many individuals are working from
home
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, and more children are starting to study from
home
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 because technology has become inexpensive and more available. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore why I believe that working and studying at
home
Use synonyms
 has benefits for
people
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. First and foremost, distance
work
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 and school have many advantages
such
Linking Words
 as flexibility of graphics and
time
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 management because many workers of public jobs cannot change their working
time
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, and
also
Linking Words
 they spend a lot of
time
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 on the road from
home
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 to
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
. The prime example of these professions is computer science. In
this
Linking Words
 type of job, individuals can
work
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 at any
time
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 of day and anywhere because of that many
people
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 want to
work
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 online.
Moreover
Linking Words
, online jobs and schools can be beneficial for students or employees who have problems with health because they can
work
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 at
home
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 without harm to the environment and themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, students with disability. They cannot come to school because they have a problem with their legs etc, which can interfere with studying,
due to
Linking Words
 that they are using online study to keep up with classmates. In conclusion, after having weighed everything mentioned , it can be said the debate over the benefits of offline and online studying and working is that distance
work
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 and school are better than offline for
people
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 who have health problems
such
Linking Words
 as disability. They are
also
Linking Words
 better for
people
Use synonyms
 who want to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not spend most of their
time
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 abroad from
home
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 and have flexible job graphics
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words home, people, work, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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