IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The chatrs below show the proportions of british students atone university in England who were able to speak other language in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

#chatrs #show #proportions #british #students #university #england #language #addition #english
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The
two
given
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pie charts, which depict in great detail, illustrate the
comparing
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comparison
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 of British scholars at one university in England who could communicate
to
Change preposition
in
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 several different foreign languages except English
for example
 French, Spanish, German
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etcetera
Correct your spelling
etc.
 in
two
 time periods. The unit is based on percentage.
Overall
, it is clearly observable that in
per
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two
 years how many British
student
Change to a plural noun
students
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 who
able
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were able
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 to speak Spanish was the first rate and the number of pupils that could communicate
to
Change preposition
in
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German
Change the article
the German
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 language was not changed. To commence with, how many of scholars who used Spanish for communication in 2010-(35%) increased slightly compared to 2000-(30%),
whereas
 the proportion of students that utilized no other language to speak in 2010-(10%) decreased gradually compared to 2000-(20%),
as well as
 spoken another language in 2010-(20%) surged markedly compared to 2000-(15%). On the flip side, the number of pupils who spoke
two
 other languages in 2010-(15%) escalated slightly compared to 2000-(10%),
while
 communicators in French in 2000-(20%)
with
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decreased slightly, it reached 10% in 2010,
as well as
 the considerable point represented that the proportion of British scholars spoke German stayed steady in each
two
 years, 2000-(10%) and 2010-(10%).
Submitted by amirghhhhhh1999 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the overall structure of your essay. Ensure there's a clear introduction, body, and conclusion for improved clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one to enhance coherence.
task achievement
To improve clarity in task response, aim for concise and clear phrasing, avoiding overly complex structures.
task achievement
Your essay covers all the main points presented in the pie charts, showing a complete response to the task.
task achievement
There is an evident attempt to compare and contrast data from two different years, which is crucial for explaining trends.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant statistical details from the charts to support the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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