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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. IELTS Diagram

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. IELTS Diagram
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The pie chart gives information about the access of passing students in various working sectors from Brighton University in the year 2019. It is noted from the chart that there are 10 employment sections including
service
Use synonyms
industries
Use synonyms
, manufacturing
industries
Use synonyms
, politics and government, education, civil
service
Use synonyms
, transportation and warehousing, science and technology, charity, sport, and others. Among
these
Add a comma
these,
show examples
 the highest rates of
participations
Fix the agreement mistake
participation
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 are in
service
Use synonyms
industries
Use synonyms
, manufacturing
industries
Use synonyms
, politics and government,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest rates are from civil
service
Use synonyms
, transportation and warehousing, science and technology, charity, sport, and others. In 2019, 33%
graduates
Change preposition
of graduates
show examples
 were employed in
service
Use synonyms
industries
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 16.3 %, 14.7% and 12.1%
degree
Change preposition
of degree
show examples
 holders joined in
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
show examples
 industry, education,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
politics and government respectively. Only 0.1% and 0.3%
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
 were involved in charity and sports after their
graduations
Fix the agreement mistake
graduation
show examples
. In civil
service
Use synonyms
 and transportation and warehousing the proportions were 5.6% and 7.8 % respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 7.3%
graduated
Change preposition
of graduated
show examples
 fellows joined in the field of science and technology but
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
opposite 2.8% were involved in other sections.
Submitted by writing9common on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words service, industries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportions
  • Graduates
  • Employment sectors
  • Distribution
  • Industry
  • Attracted
  • Significant trends
  • Comparisons
  • Popular
  • Moderate level of interest
  • Observations
  • Implications
  • Economic factors
  • Future trends
  • Illustrates
  • Majority
  • Elaborated
  • Moderate
  • Summarized
  • Potential implications
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