Some people think that workers like nurses, doctors and teachers do not get enough payment while film actors and athletes get more money than the importance of their job. How far do you agree or disagree?
#people #workers #nurses #doctors #teachers #payment #film #actors #athletes #money #importance #job
payment
job
for a certain professional is a contentious issue debate, where some people
think that people
do
important Correct pronoun usage
who do
job
Change the noun form
jobs
such
as nurses, doctors, and teachers get a lower income comparing
to Wrong verb form
compared
film
actors and athletes, I firmly agree with this
statement. This
essay will examine some points for reason of this
.
To begin
with, there are various reasons why film
actors and athletes get more paid. First,
Correct pronoun usage
their
they
work time is not like Correct pronoun usage
their
Replace the word
important
importance
Replace the word
important
job
, they Correct subject-verb agreement
work
works
based on Correct subject-verb agreement
work
Correct article usage
a project
project
or Correct article usage
a project
Correct article usage
an olympic
Correct article usage
an olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
olympic
event, Change the capitalization
Olympic
additionally
their Add a comma
additionally,
job
enjoy
most Wrong verb form
is enjoyed
Change preposition
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
people
Add an article
the people
Correct your spelling
regardless
regardles
gender, age, country and other things, the most Correct your spelling
regardless
important
, their Replace the word
importantly
Fix the agreement mistake
income
incomes
comes from how popular them in society. The more popular the actor, the higher the fee they get. Fix the agreement mistake
income
For example
, one of the famous actro
from Korea Correct your spelling
actors
called
park Verb problem
apply
syheen yee
, she is very talented, Correct your spelling
Syheen Yee
she
Correct word choice
and she
playing
several roles in various Wrong verb form
plays
film
. the Fix the agreement mistake
films
film
in which she starred become
popular and Wrong verb form
became
people
will pay
more to see her performance, Wrong verb form
paid
additionally
many agency
from brand International paid Change to a plural noun
agencies
this
girl to be an ambasador
brand.
Correct your spelling
ambassador
On the other hand
, importance
Replace the word
important
job
, like, doctors, nurses, and Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
teacher
which Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
playing
Wrong verb form
play
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
job
in society, Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
they
work under Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
government regulation, Correct article usage
apply
it
means, there is a Correct pronoun usage
which
standart minimun
and maximum for their salary. Correct your spelling
standard minimum
Also
, their workload or work time has been established in Correct article usage
the employement
employement
of law. Correct your spelling
employment
For instance
, in Indonesia, a
formal education from Remove the article
apply
elementry
school until senior high school Correct your spelling
elementary
operate
6-7 hours per day, Change the verb form
operates
it
means a teacher has only 7 hours Correct pronoun usage
which
working
time per day.
In conclusion, there are many factors that we should Change preposition
of working
add
into account when comparing two Verb problem
take
differents
Correct your spelling
different
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
job
, the importance
job
and entertainment job
are 2 differents
Correct your spelling
different
job
that we cannot compareFix the agreement mistake
jobs
,
because they have different fields and different directions. Remove the comma
apply
However
, I think and I aware
that entertainment jobs get more income Add a missing verb
am aware
comparing
to Wrong verb form
compared
importance
jobs.Replace the word
important
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs more clearly and logically to enhance cohesion. Each paragraph should clearly represent one main point supported by evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use transition words and phrases more effectively to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next.
Task Achievement
Provide a more comprehensive analysis of both sides of the argument to balance the task response.
Task Achievement
Improve sentence structure and grammar to ensure clear communication of ideas.
Task Achievement
Support your points with more diverse and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a framework for your response.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both the pay for professionals like nurses and teachers compared to entertainers and athletes.
Task Achievement
You included specific examples, like mentioning a Korean actor, which adds authenticity to your argument.