Some people think that workers like nurses, doctors and teachers do not get enough payment while film actors and athletes get more money than the importance of their job. How far do you agree or disagree?

payment
job
for a certain professional is a contentious issue debate, where some
people
think that
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
important
job
Change the noun form
jobs
show examples
such
as nurses, doctors, and teachers get a lower income
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to
film
actors and athletes, I firmly agree with
this
statement.
This
essay will examine some points for reason of
this
.
To begin
with, there are various reasons why
film
actors and athletes get more paid.
First,
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
work time is not like
Replace the word
important
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
job
, they
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
based on
Correct article usage
a project
show examples
project
Correct article usage
a project
show examples
or
Correct article usage
an olympic
show examples
Correct article usage
an olympic
show examples
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
olympic
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Olympic
show examples
event,
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
show examples
their
job
enjoy
Wrong verb form
is enjoyed
show examples
most
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
Correct your spelling
regardless
regardles
Correct your spelling
regardless
gender, age, country and other things, the most
important
Replace the word
importantly
show examples
, their
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
comes from how popular them in society. The more popular the actor, the higher the fee they get.
For example
, one of the famous
actro
Correct your spelling
actors
from Korea
called
Verb problem
apply
show examples
park
syheen yee
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Syheen Yee
show examples
, she is very talented,
she
Correct word choice
and she
show examples
playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
several roles in various
film
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films
show examples
. the
film
in which she starred
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
popular and
people
will pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
more to see her performance,
additionally
many
agency
Change to a plural noun
agencies
show examples
from brand International paid
this
girl to be an
ambasador
Correct your spelling
ambassador
brand.
On the other hand
,
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, like, doctors, nurses, and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
which
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
in society,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government regulation,
it
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which
show examples
means, there is a
standart minimun
Correct your spelling
standard minimum
and maximum for their salary.
Also
, their workload or work time has been established in
Correct article usage
the employement
show examples
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
of law.
For instance
, in Indonesia,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
formal education from
elementry
Correct your spelling
elementary
school until senior high school
operate
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operates
show examples
6-7 hours per day,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
means a teacher has only 7 hours
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
time per day. In conclusion, there are many factors that we should
add
Verb problem
take
show examples
into account when comparing two
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
job
, the
importance
job
and entertainment
job
are 2
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
that we cannot compare
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they have different fields and different directions.
However
, I think and I
aware
Add a missing verb
am aware
show examples
that entertainment jobs get more income
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
jobs.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs more clearly and logically to enhance cohesion. Each paragraph should clearly represent one main point supported by evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use transition words and phrases more effectively to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next.
Task Achievement
Provide a more comprehensive analysis of both sides of the argument to balance the task response.
Task Achievement
Improve sentence structure and grammar to ensure clear communication of ideas.
Task Achievement
Support your points with more diverse and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a framework for your response.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both the pay for professionals like nurses and teachers compared to entertainers and athletes.
Task Achievement
You included specific examples, like mentioning a Korean actor, which adds authenticity to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • discrepancy
  • healthcare professionals
  • societal well-being
  • market-driven
  • compensation
  • underpaying
  • equitable
  • reflective
  • consequences
  • demand and popularity
  • societal contribution
  • essential workers
  • complexities
  • equitable compensation system
What to do next:
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