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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show the percentages of industry sectors' contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevan

The two pie charts below show the percentages of industry sectors' contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevan
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The pie charts illustrate the changes in contribution to the economy from eight different
sectors
Use synonyms
 (construction, manufacturing, utilities and transportation, healthcare and education, finance, leisure and hospitality, government, and
agriculture
Use synonyms
) for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Turkey in two different
years
Use synonyms
 (2000 and 2016).
Overall
Linking Words
,
agriculture
Use synonyms
 comprised
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the main sector which contributed in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 year,
whereas
Linking Words
 in the second year accounted for healthcare and education. There was a slight
dropped
Replace the word
drop
show examples
 in contribution from
agriculture
Use synonyms
, leisure and hospitality, and government, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
sectors
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as construction, manufacturing, utilities and transportation, and finance climbed. The amount of contribution by construction
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 economy of Turkey was less than 5% in 2000,
then
Linking Words
 grew up
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10% by 2016.
Sectors
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as manufacturing, utilities and transportation, and finance went up
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a mere during
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two
years
Use synonyms
. The merit of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 had been quarter in 2000 and went down to a little over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10% by 2016.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 leisure and hospitality and government
sectors
Use synonyms
 slightly declined in these
years
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the healthcare and education remained constant in both
years
Use synonyms
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
bit more than 15%.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, agriculture, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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