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Band 4

The comparison of the production and the consumption of rice in X country The comparison of rice and other food crops comsumed in X country

#comparison #production #consumption #rice #x #country #food #crops
The line graph illustrates the amount of
rice
production
 and
consumption
 in the past and prediction for the future,
while
 the bar chart gives information about how much
rice
 and other food
crops
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 and will be consumed in a particular country.
Overall
,
although
rice
production
 was smaller than
consumption
 in the past, it is expected to slightly exceed
consumption
at the end
.
Moreover
,
consumption
 of
rice
 has consistently been higher than that of other
crops
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is considered to equalize in the future. Regarding
production
 and
consumption
 of
rice
, both of them stood at 25
million
tons
 and about 40
million
tons
 by 1990. Yet,
while
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 remained steady until 2010,
production
 grew markedly to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar amount of
consumption
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 40
million
tons
. After a decade, both
production
 and
consumption
 started to rise quickly,
predicting
Wrong verb form
predicted
show examples
 to be roughly 60
million
tons
 and nearly 70
million
tons
 in the future, respectively.
Similarly
, as for the second chart, other food
crops
in
Add a missing verb
were in
show examples
 higher demand than
rice
 in 1990 at just under and over 50%.
Whereas
rice
 consumed
rice
 experienced
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
 increase over the next 30 years,
consumption
 of other food
crops
 dropped significantly to just over 25% in 2000 and roughly 30% after a 2-decade period, respectively. By 2040 ,
however
,
iboth
Correct your spelling
both
rice
 and other
crops
 are expected to constitute equal shares of
consumption
, each around 50%.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
Ensure consistent use of technical vocabulary and data interpretation. Consider improving conclusions to better summarize the insights from the data presented.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in data interpretation, particularly in summarizing comparisons over time.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and detailed analysis of the data from the line and bar charts.
coherence cohesion
Logical comparison between rice production and consumption is effectively presented.
coherence cohesion
The description maintains a good structure and adequately covers both the past trends and future projections.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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