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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
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This
 chart provides
a key information
Remove the article
key information
a piece of key information
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 about
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
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 of women and men in Australia,
Japan
,
Correct article usage
the Us
show examples
Us
Correct your spelling
US
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, and
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
,
between1970 and2000
Correct your spelling
between 1970 and 2000
.
Overall
, if we
saw
Verb problem
look at
show examples
 the men aged between 60-
64
Correct word choice
and 64
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 in all four countries ,the 1970 percentages are
very
Rephrase
much
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 higher
mor
Correct word choice
apply
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thin
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
2000
Correct article usage
the 2000
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 percentages.
in
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand if we talk about the women, who in Australia and
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 low in 1970 and 2000, but
Japan
Change preposition
in Japan
show examples
 and
Us
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
 percentages
ar
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 higher in both.
according to
 what is shown in
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 data, in 1970
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
japan
 had the First one , followed by
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
 , the US had 73% and Australia74% they are very close to each other,
while
 in 2000 ,
Beigium
 is the lowest one thin that it was 19 ,and
japan
 still the higher one by 76% in
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
woman
Add an article
a woman
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Replace the word
age
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aged
Add a comma
aged,
show examples
 you will
Correct your spelling
note
notised
Correct your spelling
note
 that
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
japan Is
Correct your spelling
Japan is
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
Replace the word
highest
show examples
 in 1970
Correct your spelling
and 200
and200
Correct your spelling
and 200
 by
Correct your spelling
more
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 than 40%, after
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
,
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 cameing by more than 35%, but the lowest
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Change noun form
women's
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
Correct your spelling
Belgium
Beligium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
Change preposition
at
show examples
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 less than 10
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by joudyasser805 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, beigium with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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