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Band 2

It is a good thing that senior management positions are paid much higher salaries than other workers in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#management #positions #salaries #workers #company #organization
Some people say that giving significantly higher wages to senior managers,
while
 their coworkers get much less, is a positive approach. I would, personally, absolutely agree with
this
 position. The first reason why I think it is a good way of
allocation
Replace the word
allocating
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 salaries among workers,
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
highest
Add an article
the highest
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position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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, most probably, ought to have much more skills and experience in order to be able to carry out all their responsibilities.
In addition
, managers usually dedicate far more time to their jobs compared to other employees in the same companies. In conclusion, I am convinced that higher salaries for senior managers are absolutely justified, as only sophisticated people, with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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great experience and a
big
Correct word choice
wide
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 variety of skills, are working
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
 positions, spending more time at their
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
.
Submitted by halynasmyk953 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, providing a clear start and wrap-up to the essay. However, you can enhance the coherency between paragraphs by using more linking phrases.
task achievement
While you provide reasons why senior management should be paid more, including more specific examples or evidence would strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
task achievement
Aim to expand on each point a bit more to provide more comprehensive depth. Adding examples or logical reasoning per paragraph could round out your argument.
coherence cohesion
You've clearly stated your opinion at the beginning of the essay, which sets a clear direction for your argument.
task achievement
The essay stays focused on the task and does not deviate from the central topic.
coherence cohesion
The language used is clear and understandable, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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