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Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. See all user-written answers on this topic Image for topic: The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. See all user-written answers on this topic Image for topic: The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart presents a comprehensive overview of
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of both
genders
Change noun form
gender's
genders'
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
 between
Add an article
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 60-64 in four different nations between 1970 to 2000. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that Belgium recorded the highest difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
employment
Use synonyms
 and Japan in women,
while
Linking Words
 the trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined with
passage
Correct article usage
the passage
show examples
 of time in Japan in male and USA in female jobs
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
. To embark
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Australia
Change noun form
Australia's
show examples
 jobs ratio between
seniors’
Change noun form
seniors
show examples
males
Correct word choice
and males
show examples
 was 27% more in 2000, and looking
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the corresponding figures the comparison of Female choice towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work got declined and recorded
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% downfall in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, as is observed from the given data
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
 male elderly trends in
employment
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 8% in
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 time,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 from
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 data it is noticed that
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of ladies recorded
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
 increase of 3% in those 30 years’ time frame.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Belgium hit the change in
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 job market
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
 of 60%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 among the four nations in male
employment
Use synonyms
, but in reverse gender it was only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% change.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 recorded
18
Correct article usage
an 18
show examples
% boost in
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 jobs market and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 recorded
declined
Change the form of the verb
decline
show examples
 of 2% in 2000.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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