IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The leaders or directors of organizations are often elderly people. However some say that young people can also take the lead of organisations or companies. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organizations #people #say #lead #organisations #companies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A fraction of
people
 notice the managers or directors of companies are mostly elderly.
In contrast
, others show the opposite that young employees have the responsibility to take the lead of organisations. In my opinion, elders are better than younger
people
 in the experience. In
this
 essay, we will discuss points of view. On the one hand, many companies prefer to join the oldest to them. Because of their career in a lot of places. So, they will protect the company from any mistakes and develop decisions to get successful results.
Furthermore
, they could train other employees and give them advice to work clearly.
For example
, the most famous organizations are led by over 45-year-old
people
such
 as Microsoft and Amazon.
On the other hand
, there are advantages to choosing the youngest and
middle-age
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
people
.
Firstly
, they are
exciting
Replace the word
excited
show examples
 to work every day with over hours sometimes to challenge themselves.
In addition
, adult members are often ready to progress at all years with more opportunities to get promotions. So, that's a big chance for them to be creative.
For instance
, a Japanese authority started a development program for 21-39-year-old employees. The sudden it's the success percentage was 90 per cent.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 statistics created a whole nother base in many organizations In conclusion, there are positives and negatives for both sides. To be honest, the balancing between different ages is the best choice to build a complete team
Submitted by kalmah.sa20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Work on developing a clearer and stronger thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader more effectively. The introduction touches on both views, but it could more clearly express where you stand.
logical structure
Ensure that your ideas flow logically throughout the essay. Some parts lack a smooth transition between ideas, which affects the coherence. Consider using more linking words or phrases.
supported main points
Your main points are noted but need to be backed up with more detailed examples and analyses. Expand on the points with specific instances or data to strengthen your position.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully provided a balanced view in your conclusion, which is crucial for a well-rounded essay.
complete response
The task is well addressed, covering both perspectives on whether young or elderly should lead organizations.
relevant specific examples
There is a good attempt to support points with examples, such as the reference to Japanese authority and companies like Microsoft and Amazon.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly, senior
  • emerging technologies
  • wisdom, maturity, seasoned
  • agility, nimble
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • innovativeness
  • adaptability
  • mentorship, guidance
  • succession planning
  • diversity, inclusiveness
  • risk-taking, calculated risks
  • demographics
  • intergenerational
  • knowledge transfer
  • organizational renewal
  • challenges, drawbacks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: