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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #workers #three #sectors #four #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
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 the proportion of
workers
Use synonyms
 in agriculture, industry and services across 4 nations in the years 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, Germany had the highest percentage of employees in industrial sectors in both years,
while
Linking Words
 China had more people linked with agriculture. From 1980 to 2010, in all four
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 in industries increased,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 in agriculture their numbers declined.
To begin
Linking Words
, 60% of the people in Germany were linked to
industrial
Add an article
the industrial
an industrial
show examples
 sector in 1980.
This
Linking Words
 number increased to slightly above 80% by 2010.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, China had only 40% of
workers
Use synonyms
 in industries in both years. Less than 5% of
population
Add an article
the population
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 in Germany was linked to farming in 1980, which is
further
Linking Words
 reduced to almost 2% by 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
China
Add a comma
China,
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 almost 75% were linked to farming in 1980. By 2010, their numbers declined by almost one-third to just 50%. In the USA, almost half of the people were involved in
industrial
Add an article
the industrial
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 sector and services in 1980. Their industrial
workers
Use synonyms
 increased to 70%,
while
Linking Words
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 sector
shrink
Wrong verb form
shrunk
show examples
 to 40%, by 2010.
Submitted by saadanwer89 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • sector
  • distribution
  • dominance
  • decline
  • significant changes
  • employment
  • patterns
  • trends
  • global
  • compare
  • highlight
  • examine
  • identify
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