In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development

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There is no denying the fact that jobs are difficult to find.

While

it is a commonly held belief that if people were looking for a job they have to move away from their home town, there is

also

an argument that opposes it.

This

essay will discuss

this

topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, some people consider

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

moving to another city to start a new job as a challenge. It is

also

possible to say that they believe

this

step includes many difficulties for any individual.

Moreover

, leaving

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

family members and friends at the same time will affect the performance of the individual.

For example

, if an individual

was

Wrong verb form

show examples

obligate

Replace the word

obliged

show examples

to start a new job in a foreign country he/she will suffer from the

different

Replace the word

differences

show examples

in the culture and the new behaviours that he/she will face, which will decrease their performance.

On the other hand

, moving away may

consider

Wrong verb form

be considered

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a fresh start, which means you will be able to earn

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

new skills and your knowledge will be expanded.

In other words

, leaving your current life and moving to a new one will assist you

to have

Change preposition

in having

show examples

a second chance to enhance your abilities and skills in a new environment.

In addition

, your

friends

Change to a genitive case

friend's

friends'

show examples

cycle will be expanded in order to adjust

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

new country.

For instance

, bonding with new friends will be beneficial for the foreign individual to be familiar

Change preposition

with

show examples

the new environment. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

question. On balance,

however

, I tend to believe that; it depends on every individual circumstances, but moving to a new environment will hold a lot of advantages.

Submitted by omima7a7md on Sat Dec 07 2024

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Task Achievement

Try to address both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way. The essay leans more towards the advantages and should explore the disadvantages more comprehensively.

Task Achievement

Use specific examples to illustrate points more effectively. Providing personal experiences or hypothetical scenarios can make explanations clearer.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve paragraph transitions for better coherence. Use more linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure your introduction sets up the debate clearly and your conclusion summarizes both sides before stating your opinion.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both perspectives of the topic, providing a well-rounded discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The use of specific phrases like 'fresh start' and 'new skills' effectively conveys the benefits of moving away for work.

Coherence and Cohesion

The conclusion reiterates the complexity of the issue, acknowledging different circumstances for individuals.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

282 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

relocation
employment prospects
professional development
cultural exposure
isolation
familial relationships
cost of living
career progression
mental health
significant life events
higher salaries
support families
broaden horizons
living standards

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In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

IELTS 15 Test4 In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cell phone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.