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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Band 7+: The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Band 7+: The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of male and female population of various
age
Use synonyms
 groups from Australia engaged in
continous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010
Overall
Linking Words
, from the stats provided, we can understand that there were more
women
Use synonyms
 who attended daily
exercise
Use synonyms
 in all
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 except in
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 group of 15 to 24
years
Use synonyms
. Only at
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 15 to 24
years
Use synonyms
, there were more
men
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 exercised in the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 65 and over.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, the percentage of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 doing regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 showed a gradual dip from 15
years
Use synonyms
 to 44
years
Use synonyms
 and
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 increased by almost 8% by 65 and over. Around 54%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 aged 14 to 24
years
Use synonyms
 exercised
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 in 2010 which declined by almost 10% by the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 and over.
However
Linking Words
, the amount of female Australians performing daily
exercise
Use synonyms
 increased over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 with the lowest of almost 48% at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
age
Use synonyms
 and
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 at 55% during the
age
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 54
years
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of exercising
women
Use synonyms
 declined by 10% by the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 and over.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, exercise, women, years, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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