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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows information about the use of public transport in one country, by age group and location of residence, in 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The graph below shows information about the use of public transport in one country, by age group and location of residence, in 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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Information about
comparison
Add an article
the comparison
a comparison
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 between the use of communal
transport
Use synonyms
 in the large
city
Use synonyms
residents
Use synonyms
 and other
residents
Use synonyms
 is provided in the graph in 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the productive
age
Use synonyms
 for both big
city
Use synonyms
 and other
residents
Use synonyms
 showed the biggest
proportion
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,
while
Linking Words
 the elderly people for both graphs contributed the least. Teenagers aged 0-30
years
Use synonyms
 who utilised public
transport
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 in the big
city
Use synonyms
 around 40%-55%,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 for the
age
Use synonyms
 31-45
years
Use synonyms
, accounting for nearly 70% of
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 group, which
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the biggest
proportion
Use synonyms
 in the chart.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure declined to almost 40% for people 46-60
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 above 61 contributed to around 10% and 14 %.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teenagers who took mass
transport
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
residents
Use synonyms
, below 30
years
Use synonyms
 old, was halved as big as the
proportion
Use synonyms
 in the huge
city
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.
while
Linking Words
 the productive
age
Use synonyms
 30-60
years
Use synonyms
 old witnessed
vary
Correct your spelling
very
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 number approximately 15%. and the
proportion
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for
Change preposition
of
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 older people who use public
transport
Use synonyms
 in other
residents
Use synonyms
roughly
Add a missing verb
is roughly
show examples
 around 5-20%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words transport, city, residents, age, proportion, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age group
  • urban areas
  • rural areas
  • public transport usage
  • peak usage
  • lowest usage
  • highest usage
  • significant difference
  • notable trend
  • patterns
  • residence location
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