Employers should give their workers at least one month holiday a year as it makes them to do better at their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Providing employees with at least
one
month of vacation annually can significantly enhance their
job
performance by reducing burnout and increasing
overall
job
satisfaction. Clearly, all worker needs to a
holiday
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
for going to sunshine places. To illustrate, once upon a time, my boss gave me
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
month
Change noun form
month's
show examples
holiday
and I went to Italy to see historical landmarks.
Firstly
, every person has a balance limit and when they feel exhausted and haggard from their jobs, from my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businessmen have to give them a little break.
Therefore
, after a little or long break,
worker
Add an article
the worker
a worker
show examples
will get into
shape
Add an article
the shape
show examples
of full of motivation.
Secondly
, sometimes we may miss our family members and relatives. So, employers must give them a
holiday
break, especially,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
christmas
Change the capitalization
Christmas
show examples
time. To give my view, I totally agree with the idea that workers should take a break in
one
month. But if they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
give them a chill time, at least, they should cut down their hours of
job
. By the way, it has
also
some drawbacks.
For instance
, it can decrease the per year fee tuition. To elaborate , bosses
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
them permission respectively,
however
, there will be no
job
employer. In summary, businessmen must
give
Verb problem
apply
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take a break at least, just only
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a resourceful personality.
For example
, Being resourceful in
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
can significantly enhance
one
's effectiveness in the workplace. So that kind of people deserve
this
kind of
holiday
vacation
Submitted by ahmetmanafli on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of providing one month of holiday to workers. However, certain ideas could have been developed further with more detailed analysis.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent focus throughout the essay. The argument could be more compelling with a stronger logical progression, connecting points more effectively.
task achievement
Some parts of the essay require clearer articulation. For instance, improve the sentence structures to better communicate your arguments and make the examples relevant to the point being discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction that states the main argument and a conclusion that reiterates the writer's stance.
task achievement
Personal examples, like the trip to Italy, add a personal touch and help in illustrating points, though they can be further refined for relevance.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates awareness of the topic and attempts to provide both positive and negative sides.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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