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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and maje comparisons where relevamt.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and maje comparisons where relevamt.
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The bar chart
depicate
Correct your spelling
delicate
depicts
 data about the proportion participating in regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
 of different age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 for both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, except
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who were between 15-24,
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 had better performance rather than men.
Although
Linking Words
 in 65 and over
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 the same for both sexes with nearly about 47. Men in earlier
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
 of their life like 15-24 got the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
activity
Use synonyms
 with 52.8%. The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
 took place at earlier
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
 of their life, it was in 15 to 25 with 52.8%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the progress dropped slightly. The lowest ratio of
consist
Replace the word
consistent
show examples
 exercise was for 35 to 44 with 39.5.
However
Linking Words
 after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the progress got better,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 climbed gently. On the other side
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
number of women
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 completely different they started
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 47.7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and the people gradually increased. Female
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 45 to 54 had
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of regular
activity
Use synonyms
 in their lives with 53.3%.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 their
responded
Replace the word
response
show examples
 to
activity
Use synonyms
 changed after 54 and it smoothly declined.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activity, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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