IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. Write a letter to the director of the Museum

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Dear Sir, My name is Dhruv Patel i saw the advertisement you posted
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the newspaper. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am willing to do the
job
Use synonyms
 at the
museaum
Correct your spelling
museum
 As my vacation is going on
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the University. I can do the full-time
job
Use synonyms
 at
museum
Add an article
the museum
a museum
show examples
. As my main subject
in
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at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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University is history so
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge knowledge of the paintings and the statues that are
show cased
Correct your spelling
showcased
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 in
Add an article
the museum
a museum
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museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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. I can
speek
Correct your spelling
speak
 four different languages
like
Change preposition
apply
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English, Spanish, Tamil and Arbi so it will be great for the foreigners who visit the museum. I really need
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 as there is no one in
this
Linking Words
 world to take care of
mine
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
,
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, my financial condition is not stable. So it will be a great help
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 you if you
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 me for
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 as
i full fill
Correct your spelling
I fulfil
 all the
requiredments
Correct your spelling
requirements
. I hope for
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive response as soon as possible.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
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 Sincerely,  Dhruv

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coherence cohesion
The letter could have a more defined structure with clear paragraphs focusing on a single point each. Consider dividing it into an introduction, qualifications, and concluding thoughts for better clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that all points of the task are covered and elaborated. For instance, you might include why you specifically want to work at this museum, not just why you need a job.
task achievement
Your language skills are a strong point and are well highlighted in the letter, which could be beneficial for the job.
coherence cohesion
The letter opens and closes appropriately, maintaining a formal tone throughout.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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