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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the population ratio of males to females in six different regions in 1950 and 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the population ratio of males to females in six different regions in 1950 and 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#population #ratio #males #females #six #regions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table below illustrates the
population
Use synonyms
 distribution of men to women in six different regions in 1950 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,there is significant growth in the
population
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 from 1950 to 2000 in 4 countries which are Africa , Asia , Latin
America
Use synonyms
 , and Oceania
while
Linking Words
 there is
remarkable
Add an article
a remarkable
show examples
 drop in the
rate
Use synonyms
 in other communities
such
Linking Words
Europe
Change preposition
as Europe
show examples
 and North
America
Use synonyms
. It is
predictied
Correct your spelling
predicted
 that the percentage will slightly decrease in most of the
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries in 2050. First of all,the world
population
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 1950 to 2000 from 2.5 billion
-6
Change preposition
to -6
show examples
 billion. which is a huge number of
population
Use synonyms
 .Africa and Asia
countnue
Correct your spelling
continue
continued
 until 2000 to increase in their
rate
Use synonyms
 by 4%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each, but over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time in
2050
Add a comma
2050,
show examples
 it
predicted
Add a missing verb
is predicted
show examples
 for Africa to reach 20%
while
Linking Words
 Asia may drop slightly by 1%. Second , the Europe
population
Use synonyms
considered
Add a missing verb
was considered
show examples
 to be high in 1950
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 22% but there is
noticeable
Add an article
a noticeable
show examples
 drop in their
rate
Use synonyms
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 12% and in the future it may reach 7%.
lastly
Linking Words
 , North
America
Use synonyms
 started with
Use synonyms
rate
Add an article
a rate
show examples
 of 7% and
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 in 2000 to 5% and it will fall
further
Linking Words
 in 2050 to 4%,
while
Linking Words
 Latin
America
Use synonyms
 and Oceania have unremarkable
diffreance
Correct your spelling
difference
differences
 in their
population
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nou.7748 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, rate, america with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender ratio
  • male-to-female ratio
  • significant changes
  • fluctuations
  • stable
  • patterns or trends
  • regions
  • population demographics
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • cultural factors
  • anomalies
  • outliers
  • comparisons
  • data analysis
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