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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows changes in the youth unemployment rate from 2000 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows changes in the youth unemployment rate from 2000 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #changes #youth #unemployment #rate #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph displays the comparison of
youth
Use synonyms
 unemployment
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 between 5 different
countries
Use synonyms
 across 12 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 in each country fluctuated
along
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time.
However
Linking Words
, the trend in
Germany
Use synonyms
 was steady,
while
Linking Words
 the other
countries
Use synonyms
 had a tendency to go upward. In 2000, Italy's
youth
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 unemployment
rate
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were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the highest among all, which was close to 30%. The
rate
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 was followed by
France
Use synonyms
 at 20%, making it ranked the 2nd. The rest were relatively low compared to Italy and
France
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 with the amount of approximately 10%. Between 2000 and 2006, Italy experienced a significant decrease of almost 10%, making its
rate
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 slightly lower than the unemployment
rate
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 in Britain which went ascending to more than 20% and close to
France
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
youth
Use synonyms
 unemployed in Sweden and
Germany
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 relatively stable at a little higher than 10%. Things went
different
Change the word
differently
show examples
 in each
Use synonyms
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
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 after 2006.
However
Linking Words
, the
rate
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 of jobless
youth
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 tended to increase
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all
countries
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 except
Germany
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. In 2012, Italy was back to the highest
rate
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 with
its
Change the word
a
show examples
 sharp increase of around 15%. Britain and
France
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 experienced a similar fluctuation between 2006 and 2012 and ended with
the
Correct article usage
a
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rate
Use synonyms
 of approximately 25%. Sweden's
number
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 showed a gradual increase during 6 years and reached 20% in 2012.
Germany
Use synonyms
,
in contrast
Linking Words
, lowered its jobless
number
Use synonyms
 to less than 10%.
Submitted by lyakomarudin on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words youth, countries, number, germany, rate, france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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