IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Directors and managers of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#directors #managers #organizations #people #leaders
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There is no denying the fact that the exact
age
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 at which
people
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 should be leaders is debatable.
While
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,
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apply
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 there is a commonly held belief that managers should be chosen from older
age
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group
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groups
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due to
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 their experience in life and
work
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposite it. In my opinion, I think choosing the right leader in a certain
work
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 should depend mainly on
the
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apply
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skills and intelligence more than on
the
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apply
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age
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. To start with, many companies choose
the
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apply
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managers
according to
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 their experience and the time that they
spent
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spend
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in
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at
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work
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,
therefore
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 they tend to collect older employees to become
the
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apply
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managers.
In addition
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, these employees are better
in
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at
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 handling hard situations compared to the younger fresh employees as they already faced multiple challenges before.
On the other hand
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, younger
people
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 have much more creative ideas that may enhance the
work
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while
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 they bring new techniques or solutions regarding a certain problem.
For example
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, a young director may
takes
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take
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 the risk more often and would be more
intersted
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interested
 in incorporating new methods
to
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into
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 the
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work place
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workplace
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 like using AI and more technological ways. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having various
veiws
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views
 regarding
this
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 topic, I think that giving the opportunity to younger
people
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 to be in the position of leading is rewarding, especially when the company is demanding out-of-the-box ideas.
Also
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, it encourages
people
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 at
early
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an early
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age
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 to be
responsable
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responsible
, take
the
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apply
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charge of things, gain skills, and be motivated to spread their thoughts in the
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work space
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workspace
show examples
.
Submitted by ruaa.fatoohi on

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task achievement
Try to include more detailed examples to support your ideas, especially in the paragraph discussing the advantages of younger leaders.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of articles, conjunctions, and prepositions to improve grammatical accuracy.
introduction conclusion
Include a stronger conclusion to reinforce your argument and summarize key points effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, considering the advantages and disadvantages of older and younger leaders.
logical structure
Logical progression of ideas, from introduction to conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to include contrasting viewpoints, which demonstrates an understanding of the question’s complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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