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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the proportion of women in the labor force and women in management in five countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. (Hà Vy)

The table below shows the proportion of women in the labor force and women in management in five countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. (Hà Vy)
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The table illustrates information about the rate of
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers and females in management in five countries. It can be seen from the chart,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 percentage of women in
labor
Add an article
the labor
show examples
 force in Australia,
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States
account
Correct subject-verb agreement
accounts
show examples
 for a higher number in total,
while
Linking Words
 the rate of women in management in Egypt,
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
, and
Japan
Use synonyms
 are small number. In terms of workers,
Japan
Use synonyms
 has the women
rates
Correct subject-verb agreement
rate
show examples
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the highest
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
 countries with 48
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Followed by
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States, Australia,
Use synonyms
Sri
Correct word choice
and Sri
show examples
Lanka
Use synonyms
 with 46
percent
Use synonyms
, 42
percent
Use synonyms
,
42
Correct word choice
and 42
show examples
percent
Use synonyms
 respectively. The proportion of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
 force in Egypt is the lowest
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 only 20%. In terms of management, in Australia and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States, the proportion of female bosses are
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top in five countries
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 43%,
While
Linking Words
 the rate in Egypt and
Japan
Use synonyms
 account for 12
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 17
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
. The remaining country,
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
,
the
Add a missing verb
has the
show examples
 data below 10
percent
Use synonyms
 with 9
percent
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sri, lanka, japan, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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