IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

Many high-level
positions
Use synonyms
 in
companies
Use synonyms
 are filled by male employees
although
Linking Words
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 many developed countries, more than 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 female. Some people argue that
companies
Use synonyms
 should provide employment to a certain
percentage
Use synonyms
 of females in these
positions
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
this
Linking Words
 restricts
companies
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to achieve
Change preposition
from achieving
show examples
 their desired
goals
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 and fosters
discrimination
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 among men and
women
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 in the employment procedure. If
companies
Use synonyms
 allocate a certain
percentage
Use synonyms
 of high-level
positions
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 to
women
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, it will restrict
companies
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to achieve
Change preposition
from achieving
show examples
 their
goals
Use synonyms
. If
companies
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 recruit
women
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 who are not suitable for higher
positions
Use synonyms
, they will fail to have
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 appropriate employees whom they require.
As a result
Linking Words
,
companies
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 will not get appropriate services and performance and will not be able to reach their desired
goals
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, many multinational
companies
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 recruit
women
Use synonyms
 in higher
positions
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 who are not suitable for those roles.
This
Linking Words
 leads to poor
leardership
Correct your spelling
leadership
 outcomes for those
companies
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 and restricts them
to achieve
Change preposition
from achieving
show examples
 their
goals
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
companies
Use synonyms
 prioritize a certain
percentage
Use synonyms
 of females for higher
positions
Use synonyms
, it fosters
discrimination
Use synonyms
. A certain number of candidates will get jobs only because they are
women
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, those who have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to work in higher
positions
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 will not get jobs, which is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
discrimination
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, and it is not acceptable.
For instance
Linking Words
, many multinational
companies
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 in Bangladesh have
65
Correct article usage
a 65
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
quota system for
women
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 in certain
positions
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 system fosters
discrimination
Use synonyms
 in the recruitment process, and those candidates who are suitable for higher
positions
Use synonyms
 do not get their desired roles. In conclusion, I fully disagree with the viewpoint that
companies
Use synonyms
 should allocate a certain
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 high-level
positions
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. It fosters
discrimination
Use synonyms
 among men and
women
Use synonyms
 to get their desired roles and restricts
companies
Use synonyms
to achieve
Change preposition
from achieving
show examples
 their
goals
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strengthen the logical transitions between ideas to make your essay flow more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your main points, enhancing the depth of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which clearly outline the writer's position.
Task Achievement
The argument is developed adequately, with the main points supported by examples.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are clear and relevant to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender disparity
  • glass ceiling
  • workforce representation
  • gender diversity
  • equal opportunity
  • professional advancement
  • social equality
  • gender equality
  • empowerment
  • barrier
  • discrimination
  • inequality
  • bias
  • reinforce
  • inclusive
  • combat
  • strive for
  • promote
  • nurture
  • enhance
  • progressive
  • implement
  • quota system
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