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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetable per day in the uk from 2001 to 2008

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetable per day in the uk from 2001 to 2008
#percentage #people #five #portions #fruit #vegetable #uk
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The bar
grpah
Correct your spelling
graph
 provides information about how often men, women, and
children
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom ate five
prtions
Correct your spelling
portions
 of
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 and fruit per day in percentage between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the figures for men and women
were increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 during the period
wih
Correct your spelling
with
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly decreasing
Replace the word
slight decrease
show examples
 after 2006.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
was fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 during
this
Linking Words
 time frame.
According to
Linking Words
 the information shown in the graph, we can notice that the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
woment
Correct your spelling
women
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
 five portions a day was stable until the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2004,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it showed an increased rate reaching the maximum
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 almost 30% in 2007.
Then
Linking Words
 slowly decreased in 2008. The
figure
Use synonyms
 for
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
showd
Correct your spelling
showed
 almost the same pattern regarding stability in the first 3 years from 2001 to 2003 with
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 10%. After that proportion
was increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 almost 30% in 2008.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in
2008
Add a comma
2008,
show examples
 the rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declineing
Correct your spelling
declining
 a
littile
Correct your spelling
little
 bit. 
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
was fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
. The lowest rate
noticed
Add a missing verb
was noticed
show examples
 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2003,
then
Linking Words
 the proportion steadily
incresing
Correct your spelling
increased
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in
2008
Add a comma
2008,
show examples
 a
decreaing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
 pattern
noticed
Add a missing verb
was noticed
show examples
 again. Based on the graph, the percentage of women who ate five portions was growing constantly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
was fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 with great
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentages until the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2008
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it showed
slow
Correct article usage
a slow
show examples
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proportion.
Submitted by m.e.a1434 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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